with love

i wanna look back to see the progress i've made so far growing up .. that's like saying how we grew fond of each other and made it this far .. i love every minute of it, during fights well it happens but hey love shows from the argument itself . I know these days has been tough for you , just hang in there cause when there's an up , there's a down and vice versa ..

with love,

xxxx

Just Do It ?

its kinda funny .. i suddenly developed this feeling to pierce my belly .. lol at the same time thinking how crazy it is especially since my lifestyle is such that it might harm the piercing while its healing .. at the same time thinking who is gonna see it if i rarely expose my belly

just go with the flow or try to rationalize before doing my stunt ?

new wallpaper (:

its not a life and death situation whereby its something like sky diving but well i guess it will affect me someway or another ? no big deal ? i guess its just because i'm in the midst of growing up and experience new things .. its that feeling you get when you first learn how to drive and to know that you can go anywhere at any time (:

or maybe the studying has gone to my head .. crazy little me ..

off to study more i guess ..

To the house down the road

Dear Fucked Up Neighbor,

I want to live when i walk at the sidewalks while walking my dog , if you want to be a race car driver by all means join the f1 race in sepang . There are children, joggers, old people that are constantly walking on this stretch of road that is called a neighborhood ..

if you were to ever knock them over with your myvi that you think is some f1 car , would wonder how it will be like for you to get knocked over someday to notice your retarded driving skills . If you have a fucked up life and prefer to take it out on the road please see some doctor to help with your mental problems yeah :)

Sincerely,

Your fellow neighbor

Fatty in my belly !

I have the tendency to be a workaholic .. wear myself off .. then with one day of total rest im able to fully recover from everything .. with all the headaches i think my mind will explode one day .. living a healthy lifestyle ? we all want that but not always that we are able to be discipline to work out every single day ..

Health has been ignored for awhile and i really feel the need to burn it off .. so tmrw i must and will jog !! :D and no one can stop me ! unless they closed the whole field then maybe i cant do anything about it

oh well got to loose fat NOW !

written in the stars

for some reason i have this random feeling of being scared , afraid of the unknown .. crazy ? yes .. but i cant stop it , its disturbing my mind for productive thoughts . its like all the colors in me has been sucked out and all thats left is the darkness .. maybe its those mood swings ? but all i know its happening now ..

i'm not usually this way , and all of the unwanted memories are starting to come back to haunt the life out of me .. as much as i want to be strong and be confident to live the life that everyone deserves its just one of those days that you'll feel attacked and most vulnerable .. yes if anyone is thinking of attacking me today i might actually hit my breaking point ..

this feeling is not here to stay ..

im finding my way out of this hell hole

the light will shine once again ..

xxxx

i live to inspire !

i had such a great time at the MTV World Stage .. maybe its because of the company ? (: but i still enjoyed it at the end ... sometimes you have to let yourself go then come back to reality .. at first i thought all of this is gonna affect me but i realized that you've been out of my life for awhile , so what difference would it be if it might be for a longer period of time ?

i can control how i feel and how to fix myself up because there's gonna be alot of people out there thats gonna put me down .. but just moving forward is the best way since life is short .. i cant please everyone if they just choose to hate me from the start so i shall quietly live my life and get the most out of it (:

i cant change the past nor predict the future, but be in the present .. it's all up to you and how you wanna take it .. and i believe to a certain extend we choose what the outcome is gonna be and if love is out there it will find its way back ..

off to gain some knowledge !!

i've lost you

people told me not to bother , try to put it in a box and throw it away .. but that is running away from the problem than facing it .. i choose to face the bull and i guess i got my answer .. no matter what i say you wouldnt believe anyway ... it wasnt me alone who said it and i dont see you having a problem with her .. i think there was something more to it that your not telling me .. well i may never find out at this point .. i speak nothing but the truth .. i dont go lying to my parents if you really want to compare ... and you accuse me of lying ?

i'm just speechless to this point .. the only reason why you felt it was because you know you have done it .. its not called "bitching" my friend its just the truth .. your afraid of the truth and you know your at the wrong but its alright thats how we learn is it not ? we're humans and we always make mistakes and i get that , but the thing is your not admitting it but pin pointing it to me .. yes might be wrong of me to write it down but its all how i feel about things .. i did not exaggerate on any point but exactly to what happen ..

i wished it not to end this way or not end at all , we practically grew up together and well i guess we can grow apart as well .. we're not kids anymore but i wonder where it all went .. whatever i did was wrong and never right in your eyes .. so i dont think i need to prove anything to you if you choose to be this way ..

i'm sorry if i have ever caused harm

feeling so lonely .. just for that second

its love all over again ? i realized nobody wants to be left alone .. everyone wants to know that their partner will be there for them till the end of time .. im not gonna be a hypocrite cause i believe in that too .. heart ache hurts the most that is just as bad as a stab in the back .. i have felt it once .. but to feel that way again takes time and trust .. now that i do once again .. im afraid of the heart ache that i might get ..

to get happiness is to feel , to feel is to love , to love is to trust , that then comes along with heart ache and sadness .. yes at times it might be worth it in the long run .. its like going through a cycle .. nothing last forever .. yes this is ideal but i've always wished it would last forever ..

planning to get this as a tattoo ( a snowflake ) .. cheesey but it represents how love is so fragile , once its gone everything is gone with it ..

It's far better to learn

i guess this can add to another chapter in my life ? felt so weak but yet its just me denying the truth .. the way our parents thought us manners , to respect the elders whether you like it or not .. and to be constantly be "nice" and not rude to others .. i guess people has been taking advantage of me that way ..

showing my true colors

yes i have far more to learn , and only one person dared to point that out .. i might be such a kid at times and i do admit that .. as much as i want to grow up and be more matured there's always a childish side to me .. something that i still hold on to .. yes at times how i wish the other person would know what im thinking about because its so hard to say it in words ..

im screaming out loud in my mind but silent in reality .. it sucks at times but i guess if you talk to yourself its best when people dont know whats going on in your head .. its easier said than done .. and will definitely take time but im not gonna stop trying to let myself be free from the so called manners

xxxx

just one more day , another day !

the last exam is tomorrow !! that is the gross accounting but no worries .. already studied so hopefully i pass with flying colors (: i'm gonna make tie dye shirts , it is gonna be something interesting since i have always wanted to do it .. then will be going for the graduate dinner , before saying goodbye to the people that i might not see for a very long time ..

time has run too fast .. hope it is fast enough till our next meet

xxxx

will you be there ?

i realized i have too many things to do .. even after the exams .. like my room reno .. cheer .. violin .. cousins .. and a whole lot of other stuff .. geez i mean i guess its good ? LOL funny thing is that i signed up for the axn big challenge with the bf soo this will be fun .. if he makes it .. then there's that green thing my parents want me to go for .. college will start soon enough ..

HELP !! c3 is also around the corner . . found out that my toilet is gonna be SUPER small because of the design .. as well as the wardrobe .. hmmm i'm at the middle whereby i'm able to do whatever i want .. its good cause im taking that advantage , guess it makes my life a little bit more interesting than it already is (:

xxxx

i'm not afraid .. to take a stand

high school is over and on to much more bigger things than just homework, teachers, rules, uniform and etc.. now its on to the next chapter of my life, its now gonna be worth something that has a much greater meaning to it .. this is not how i choose to end my high school life but its already decided .. i shall just leave it to that .. people move on and i cant take the stress you put on me anymore ... this is only referring to one person ..

enough of that .. college is ahead and i have bigger shoes to fill .. nothing says like having the guts to be someone new .. in the rites of passage .. a person is changed to be someone new .. that person will be temporarily taken out of society .. and placed back into society as a new person .. i believe that all of this is coming way to fast .. i mean i did wished i grew up faster to be able to obtain my freedom to do what i want and when i want it ..

geez :S i will have 1 month to just relax and not think about anything but just hanging out with my cousins that are coming in a bit (: and my old buddies that i promised to meet .. till then there are 2 more days of exam ! :D

xxxx

the hectic month !

exams are coming soonn and then i'll graduate from this joint .. the charity climb is coming end of this month , seriously hope it doesnt fall on the day of my exams ): plus room renovation and cousins are coming in june july ishh ? so much to doo ! always have been b0red and now i dont have the time to even be bored LOL

im not sure what im gonna do just yet .. but if i were to take a foundation i will probably do CIMP or MUFY ... c3 and c11 competition is coming soon too and guess what i sprain my ankle again. heal fast my foot .. its a all time must to join them .. dont have to win it but just the experience thrills me :D

wish me luck !! (:

xxxx

singaporee trip ! (:

had thee most awesome time there (: might not be as perfect all of us are only humans , arent we not ? went to the universal studios and the roller costers there are awesome !! the one that impressed me the most was the red and blue one .. really huge you cant miss it !! went clubbing and i think its freaking boring due to the fact that most of the guys were either fat , weird , old , geeky or just not in any state of mind .

sadly none ! NOTHING D: unless i turn lesbian some of the girls there are really something .. but dont think i will do that anytime soon . went shopping and OMG i couldnt help myself from shopping , im serious you'd die there .. maybe due to the fact im a girl ? sexist i know but still kinda true .. i got myself a nose piercing and was really proud of myself (: yes to some people its just a nose piercing but really i wouldnt have done anything like it since im terrified of needles

the lady was like its gonna be fast and your not gonna feel a thing .. such a liar .. i was scared for my life down there sitting on the chair waiting as she wipes my nose with alcohol and puts the gun in place... BAM !! i twitched and before you know it i felt my nose being soo sore, face turning red like a tomato and tears falling down from my eyes as my cousins are trying to cheer me up .. laughing and crying at the same time , who knew :P

visited some relatives and made a VIDEO (: lol its hilarious

.. probably our asian version of american idol .. we call it " AMATEUR LIVE! " with my cousin staring as Ravender Sigkhcrest (: well i think thats the spelling anyways .. had a blast !! went to the zoo as well .. its pretty cool i guess with all the shows .. just a very good past time .. before i knew it 6 days was over and it was time to head home .. geez that sucked the most ..

thats it !!

xoxo

im officially missing you

feeling so crumpled, alone, with no barrier of protection .. leaving with only a shirt behind

im not being a downer or being sensitive , its just this feeling that scares me every time without fail

looking at the brighter side .. party is tomorrow and today is pajamas day so i guess it isnt as bad .. cheer took my thoughts away for awhile .. maybe while your away i shall start doing my workouts , reading my books , finishing up assignments before due dates ?

you'll be back .. very soon i just do .. it just feels like forever

xxxx

the time i needed (:

a gorgeous past time ?

did the catch !! :D

i had an awesome short holiday (: in club med cherating !!

came back with bruises, cuts and aches but it was worth it

with all the sailing, trapeze, swimming, beach volleyball, futsal,

rock climbing, dancing, archery

the cat shoe , funny thing is that the cat didnt bother moving

though not much pictures has been taken cause i dont have a personal photographer

but i managed to squeeze in afew here and there (:

met some nice people along the way

and some people with interesting attitudes

been sleeping late and waking up early cause of the breakfast timing + the partying

xxxx

the year has officially passed ...

im officially legal to almost everything probably except voting, clubbing/drinking in some countries and some other stuff .. but i believe its gone WAY TOO FAST ! i had the day with my family and him after .. just a nice dinner you and me (: love it so much

the fact that i've started talking to you on my birthday last year and this year look where we are now .. its long but what the heck (: i have loved every minute of it even today .. havent been doing anything much other than meeting up with some old friends and just hanging around as if its another normal day ..

lost my charger , strain my neck from sleeping awkwardly after drinking a wee bit that night and got this thing in my eye thats killing it D: but its okayy i suppose . finished up my work for the day and cant wait to go to cherating on thursday !! (: yes you people have to sit in your maybe boring/fun lives while i take a runaway to club med

have funn !

xxxx

DOOPELGANGER much !!

LOL i just found out that i have a freaking doppelganger !! just to interest you her name is Zara Azam and she's 5 days younger than me plus she roughly lives around my area .. GEEZ im excited at the same time its sorta not cause well i dont really wanna look like someone else but myself ..

honestly this is just crazy right now she's working in T.G.I.F sunway pyramid .. this is like a moment to remember .. like you can play a game .. put both our pictures and compare who is the other .. who knew ? she might be a long lost sister of mine ? maybe ? i mean i know there's a saying that goes around "you have a person that will look exactly like you somewhere in this world" but this is just too close dont you think ?

so now i know the reason towards why people always claim to have seen me in places that im not .. and plus the funny thing is that they dont believe me .. thought i might be anti-social or something

whether i look like her or she looks like me .. the thing is we look very similar ..

xxxx

Botak man !! :D

lol i seem to bitch about the people that tends to piss me off but well its a healthy way for me to express about what i feel about certain people and certain things .. yea i do understand the world dont revolve around me but well this whole blog is about me so i guess this is just my own little world ..

so there's this guy that i've known for awhile and i dont see how he can be so bold about everything like arent you shameful about certain comments you make ? your making yourself look like such a whore since you call me one all the time .. its time to look in the mirror ..

on top of it all he seems to usually or nearly always to be in my work groups and assignments .. how the hell can i work with him when he thinks he's the white guy and he's totally awesome .. so i dont voice out what i think of him but that doesnt mean i wont if you push my patience .. yeah im being nice .. leave me alone man .. keep your comments to yourself if no one asked for them ..

this is random but it's the poster i design with some help from ratri (:

i feel great noww .. (: teeehee

the funny thing is if you piss me off it will be here

well i guess it will be a future distant memory of mine

xxxx

GEEK !! of the YEAR (:

you know better than to mix my marks than to how i am in school .. please your just screwing up this school .. it used to be fun and such a great feeling being here than the government school , want to know why ? we have such cool people around us even the teachers that are not grumpy/ stuck up

you may think following rules is the way to be, but the people that has made it in this world is the ones that have been breaking the rules and they survived out there

sorry cant find an image of him but this is how he somewhat looks like

i have been finishing assignments before due dates and participating in class and what do you give me in my report ? a good ? i wonder why those that are getting lower marks than me getting excellent in their reports .. this is just gay and messed up .. you dont deserve to be teaching in this school at all

yes i am the one that can stand up against you and that makes you angry cause you have no control to what i can do next .. im just holding on for another 2 months in your gay class .. get a life !! i know your life is a little sad but you dont have to go making the people around you miserable in your wrath ..

lets see if i can find his face ... you know what ? you cant cause he's not even known sorry .. but from the way i describe him you may think its one sided ? yeahh he "tries" to be funny in class but no one is laughing and no one responds .. so that just makes it really sad .. i mean seriously i should have taken another class .. EPIC FAIL

go back to your HOLE !! where you belong

your gonna be the one that is losing want to know why? cause your species is slowly becoming extinct .. cause our world is slowly but surely heading towards the conceptual age and your still stuck in your old ways ..

yea you may like MATH / ACCOUNTING but that does not mean we do and you cant make us even if you wanted to !! there's no profanity words in here so yeah you can bring me DOWN :D

to the WORST teacher (:

cheers

xxxx

recent updates

: i have thought of getting a tattoo ( but chicken out )

: i then thought about a piercing ( but was scared of an infection )

: then thought of staying at home and do some stuff that i didnt had time for

( that didnt turn out well )

: i thought of taking psychology as my main degree but still had second thoughts

: somehow at some point in my life i feel restless and useless ( not productive )

: i read a book and well that helps but only for some period of time

: assignments ? all done before the due date

yes i should fill my life with a bit more than just that but really when i start doing it , yes it will be time consuming but i somehow feel that it gets a bit too quiet .. so quiet that i have never been left alone to do things on my own .. secret ? that feeling scares me to some point .. attention seeker ? maybe but only too my close buds

i have a new start , new chapter .. i dont know what it's contents is filled with but i sure hope its filled with something worth living for .. time to step up to the game .. here i come (:

xxxx

F-A-K-E ? yeahh totally

WTF is your problem !? stop acting like a bitch thinking your all awesome because you have a boyfriend and cause you think your pretty .. and you being such a hypocrite .. please you think people that uses make up at the age of 16 and below is fake what about yourself ? pleaseee you started wearing it at that age too so your insulting yourself ?

You think you can push me around whenever you like ? yeahh i have been tolerating your retarded personality for years .. and i cant take it when you are older than be but acting like a TOTAL 9 year old .. geez man GROW UP !

yea there are some parts of you that is worth being with but at most times now your just plain old SELFISH ! acting all nice and forgiving for what choice ? thinking about yourself at most times and just a big old liar .. how long have you been lying and the amount of times i have to cover up for you ? well probably your whole life time ..

trust me i have been looking up to you when i was younger and thank god i have not followed your footsteps to the person you are today

i have enough to say (:

just so you know your pretty ' pathetic '

and hope one day you'll realize this along with the people around you

toodlezz