what do you think about me now ?

just when you think everything is going so well ,

everything just fall back on you again ,

it's like having this big barrier in front of you ,

that is nearly impossible to reach.

it's sad to know that i cant see you ,

just when i thought things will go fine ,

things just seems to be in the way ,

as if its not meant to be .

things happens for a reason most of the time ,

this time, although i dont want to ,

but this keeps on appearing ,

the whole reason why i had that 1 year resolution .

its just coming back to haunt me ,

killing me not physically but emotionally ,

yes i might be some weakling to run away from the things i dont want to face ,

i was never that strong either .

i just thought well maybe this is a sign from god ,

idk its just something that i believed in ,

you have always been there not physically but virtually ,

and all this isnt your fault .

though you want me to have the best of happiness ,

idk if i could 100% guarantee you that whether your there or not ,

that i would have that happiness that you seek ,

i have been down this road before .

still dont know why i dont learn from my mistakes ,

i just thought this time it might be different ,

as stupid i may seem ,

i cant face the facts of life ...

it'll be hard for me but please dont worry bout me ...

xoxo's

and now your gone forever ...

this is my late grandma .. she was and still is pretty dont you agree

no words can describe how much i miss you , how i felt for you when you were gone . but im sure your watching over me all the time ;) love you !

xoxo's!

i wanna fly to the moon !

seriously i need a gym partner now :( its really boring when you go to the gym, work out and stuff but it aint that fun. getting fatter by the day and probably lazy too and i cant live that way . my days has been practically boring . its like homework, school, violin, study, school, have to see that stupid bottle lady that i'm doing business with.

thats why when this cheer thing becomes a success, there will be more excitement at least something to look forward especially the driving thing (: turning 17 pretty soon. excited ? idk really . get on with life . CARPE DIEM ! (: my new word

your not alive if your not living life (:

xoxo's!

laugh , cry , sad , anger ..

Myra left to Melbourne last night, i wish her the best to not bump into those twins ;) * inside joke

the ipad looks awesome (: i roughly estimate it'll only be rm1.698 . freaking cheap for an apple that is. lets hope this shall be my new toy (:

anyways she'll be back by the time my birthday arise . AHH im soo old ! but looking at the bright side i would be able to take my licence (: now wouldnt that be awesome ! though i've got tons of homework but seriously im freaking tired . I'm literally working like a dog or something , as if i dont have a life.

well my whining isnt gonna get me anywhere so anybody wanna go out ? (: just call me yeah ? i havent watch a movie in the theatres for a long time all because of school , clubs and etc . sound like some geek seriously. Joining practically every club there is.

there's no drama

no complications

no nothing so ..

dont expect to blog bout it either.

xoxo's!

midnight crisis ..

back from melaka again , and missed another day of school . soo far i manage to catch up after the 3 days but most likely i'd be able to. my dad gave me milo mocha at 10 and now its gonna be 4 in the morning and i cant sleep sadly . in 2 hours im gonna wake up again to get ready for school . geez what a great nite ehh ?

i went down for a cup of water and now my dog is making soo much unbelievable noise . think i should bring him to my room ? since nobody's awake at this hour and i cant sleep anyways . i probably will . idk .

the zombie at 4 in the morning !

xoxo's !

denying that i feel so much better ..

sometimes you feel happy ,

and others you feel like shit .

when reality hits you in the face ,

you wish you never exist .

I've known you so well ,

That only I can tell .

Don't break me, cause I'm just to fragile to be broken again..

now that your gone ..

hey been away for awhile , been missing school for 3 days and im gonna die trying to keep up from all the work i've missed . i went back to melaka for my grandmother's funeral , well i was a total wreck really . nothing can hide the fact that i miss her and that now she's gone forever . i wouldnt hear her laugh , talk , nothing ..

i have never experience a lost before , im trying to take it as the best way i can but at times i cant just keep it all in . though i cried for days till my eyes swell, it still didnt change the grief i had for her. all i can do now is nothing . it sucks .

this is just a quick update .. pictures will come up tomorrow i suppose . thanks guys for the support . really appreciate it . anyways gtg ..

xoxo's

R.I.P Pati ... I love you so much !

yesterday was suppose to be a happy occasion for all of our families. My uncle and aunty celebrated their 25 anniversary with all our families reunited and that night itself after dinner was over my grandma fell into a coma & stroke. All of us was seriously shock at the sudden cause but all we could do is wait to find what the doctors could tell us. My eyes were swollen that night due to the crying that i cant seem to stop.

You have been a wonderful grandma, someone so patient, kind, caring, humble and the list goes on. Though i really want to see you before your gone, i just couldnt stand to see that your gonna go. In me i still felt as if your still here, that your sitting in that chair beside the kitchen watching tv. My heart fell to the ground to see you faint. i could barely hold myself together.

how am i suppose to continue my life when i know the people around me will die one day ? i cant handle that kind of thing . im just too weak to know that your gone forever, you lived a good life i must say. I just hope you'd be there in the heaven's above if there is one.

R.I.P Pati

i love you so much, in our memories always ...

xoxo's!

you belong with me !

i figured i change some stuff in my blog (: since i have been using the same pictures for while . Anyways the sad thing is i have tons to accomplish like my violin exam is coming , followed by my incomplete chemistry assignment and well study . haha yeah i know studying but what am i to do , i have to do it at some point of time .

the good news is i went shopping (: haha i practically spent 1k in 1u lol im not sure if this is a good thing but i have new stuff . best thing of all , im proud to announce that i have a boyfriend . yes its pretty sudden but im sure you'll get used to it . i dont expect anyone to judge my decisions but as friends i would like the support . life has been too quiet , and that's why your here (:

xoxo's !

where have you been all my life love ?

with that look in your eyes .. explains everything that you just wanted to say ;)

you know whats the total bummer ? funny thing is im trying to start my own cheerleading team and sadly it aint working cause for some reason the new kids in this school are a total waste . and the old students? idk shy perhaps? but i really need at least 4 more people to fill this team and once i achieve that its either cheer 2010 or cheer 2011 (:

but obviously its gonna take lots of training but its a dream to create my own team . meaning team name , cheer outfits , and come on this school needs more school spirit . seriously i miss the graduate's of sis . at least i know they are so much sporting . haihh sadly the new kids are damnn weird . as if they have a problem .

yea its their first week of school but whatever , they act like total bitches . idk why im feeling so pissed of at this but i just do . you know they practically mix around the new kids only ? but whatever who cares .

haih stress on the first week of school . well this week aint so bad ;) went to melaka for ponggal , which is in my tradition to well pray for the dead sort of . well manage to hang out with my cousins and stuff , wish her the best with her new boyfriend . will update more soon (:

xoxo's!

i am lost in your eyes !

it's the first day of school ! well its pretty awesome but other than the fact i switch classes twice i just hoped it'll be a good semester this year . the school has changed and so did the students in it . some of the teachers are new and some left for canada . it just doesnt feel the same but well you cant stop changes . just like the school jacket that everyone is suppose to wear -.- i really wonder why they want us to look so standard . at least the jackets were the only thing that kept us unique .

anyways i'm gonna sell my grade 10 books ! anybody interested or knows a friend that needs them give me a call . cause seriously the school books are really expensive . my books still looks like its still new soo it should be fine .

Math - MPM2D

Science - SNC2D

Health ( P.E ) - PPL20 / PPL30

xoxo's !

baby dont worry !

school is starting on monday ! it'll be the first day of school . i'm so bored that made me look forward to go to school . pretty excited to see my mates , and probably meet new students * hehe score ! ( inside joke ) . this year is suppose to be different . it seems they shorten our school time to 8:30 - 3:30 ~ before 8:00 - 4:00

so practically just an hour diff but it changes everything ;) school is gonna be very tight for me since im taking all the subjects that loves to give homework :( not my fault i didnt have a choice sadly . the subjects this semester is * drumroles !!

taken by me ~

picture's from bali (:

English

Career's Studies

Business

History

somebody kill me ....

xoxo's !

time changes everything ..

nothing much happen today , school starting on monday . well im totally psych bout it (: miss my buddies already . especially the ones from srikl and bali . i'll try my best to visit srikl one of these days yeah ? if not sports day it is ! :D

the best thing is im gonna learn how to play this baby soon (:

new years was awesome , lets see whats installed for me this year ;) last year was pretty dull and boring , but now everything will change .

im still deaf , from the incident .. -.- pretty lame how i got it in the first place but whatever . i'm form 5 now ! meaning there's driving and well not legal to go for 18 pl movies and stuff but it'll come soon (:

xoxo's!